taco salad is not salad.

I fell off the wagon.

Already.

It’s been, like, a minute.  Barely a few days in.  And, I slipped into the abyss.

I started off decent this morning.  A protein shake and a cup of coffee.  Without creamer, I might add, because I’m really trying.

And then, I saw it.

The dreaded take-out menu.  At my job, we are lucky enough to earn frequent free lunches and today was no exception.  I glanced over the menu and acknowledged the fact that this was from a new chain restaurant in town and this was somewhere I’d never been before.  With my willpower razor thin at best, I opted for a taco salad because, duh, it had salad right in the title.

To my astonishment, and glee, when I opened the styrofoam container, I found a delicious mound of beef, beans, cheese, lettuce, salsa and sour cream.  As a bonus, it was in a fried tortilla bowl.  In the back of my mind, I knew this was not a real salad.  But that one, tiny but mighty, carb-addicted wrinkle in my brain was teasing me, telling me that the menu clearly stated ‘salad’ so it was good for me.

I ate it.  All of it.

Then, hell broke loose.

One bite of deliciously fried, crunchy, flour-packed heaven sent me into a tail spin that included three handfuls of M&Ms and a large glass of something else completely deceiving: green tea packed with fruity, likely-artificial flavor and sugar.

I plummeted.  I hit hard.  And then, I found that place where junk food-induced euphoria turns into deep, deep miserable guilt that only comes from cheating yourself out of something very important.

I have dreams.  Big dreams.  And, I postponed them because I let my stomach trick my brain into thinking I could handle temptation.

In the end, I can say that I learned a very valuable lesson.  Know the food you’re putting into your body.  As much as I love and appreciate getting a few free lunches here and there, I can’t let myself be swayed by a tasty menu.  So, from here on out, I’m brown bagging all my lunches at work.  I can then be sure I’m taking in only the food I’ve prepared and I can also be sure of the calories and carbs I’m ingesting.  I don’t want to feel like I have to live on rabbit food forever, but I do have to get over the unbelievable urge to consume all things doughy and sugary, all the time.

Unfortunately, I’m aware that this has been my thing for a long time, so saying this and actually doing it are two very different things.  I hope that through documenting this journey, I can, perhaps, hold myself more accountable for my actions if I’m forced to confess every time I screw up my diet.

Tomorrow is another day.  Another chance.  I’m blessed with another chance and I don’t want to have to come back here tomorrow and confess my sins again.  I simply have to do better tomorrow and I will.

 

 

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Welcome to Myrtle&Millie

Welcome to Myrtle&Millie!
I go by both Myrtle and Millie and neither are my given name.  Instead, these are both nicknames I’ve acquired in my life that have two equally important, but vastly different meanings to me.  I like to think that these names represent the total opposites of my personality living harmoniously together.  My adventures as Myrtle&Millie serve as inspirations for many of the posts you will find here.
This is where I intend to share my enthusiasm in learning and experiencing everything there is in life.  My posts are filled with recipes, DIY instructions, and helpful tips and tricks that I’ve put to use and want to share with you.
Feel free to leave comments and messages!

 

These are a few things I love.  If you have similar tastes, we’ll get along great!

+ chicken wing sauce
+ my iPhone
+ knee-high boots
+ fast motorcycles
+ forrest gump
+ fake eyelashes
+ starbuck’s java chip frappuccino
+ vans warped tour
+ big trucks
+ wine tasting
+ pittsburgh steelers
+ family guy reruns
+ tattoos
+ being irish
+ colorful skinny jeans
+ halloween costumes
+ my dog
+ my herb garden
+ bronzer
+ clay matthews
+ new year’s eve
+ my crock pot
+ chipotle
+ black & white photography
+ hair chalk
+ decorative scarves
+ johnny cash
+ nutella
+ hiking in the adirondacks
+ spoon rings
+ chanel cambon bags
+ new york times’ sunday crossword puzzle
+ the little mermaid
+ pittsburgh penguins
+ grilled cheese sandwiches
+ the zoo
+ trendy manicures
+ demi lovato’s voice
+ white easter lilies
+ playing rugby
+ real tree ap camoflauge
+ chinese food
+ the super bowl
+ pea coats
+ pumpkin pie spice
+ super mario bros.
+ cowboy boots
+ unconventional pizza toppings
+ star wars
+ moroccan argan oil
+ the budweiser clydesdales
+ blackberry mojitos

creating a plan.

Taking action.

This is something I have failed to do for the last 15-20 years.  And, judging by the billions of dollars invested into weight loss books and diets and contraptions every year, I’m not alone.  I can sit here and lie and say that I’ve been trying, but the truth is, I have really just been obsessing about the idea of trying for several years.

Do you ever say to yourself that you’ll be better tomorrow?  Or, that you’ll try harder next week?  Do you ever imagine looking back after hitting your goal and remembering the exact date and time you made that life-changing decision?  These kind of thoughts were like a daily mantra of failure for me.  I decided that if I’m going to make this work, I can’t wait for the ultimate best time.  There is no convenient or opportune time to revolutionize your life.  So, here I am, at a time and on a day of the week, month and year that has no significant meaning or value to me.  And, I’m changing.

If I close my eyes and envision myself “in perfect health”, I imagine a lot of things.  Clear, hydrated skin.  Toned muscles.  No aching joints.  No heartburn.  Awake and alert and full of energy 24/7.  I’d drink a smoothie of assorted fruits every morning followed by a Buddha bowl of colorful veggies for lunch.  My addiction to carbs and artificial sweetener would be a thing of the past.  And, my anxiety would be completely well-controlled by my calming Zen lifestyle and intense yoga every morning before work.  Maybe a 5K run for fun in the evening.

Yes, I know.  Idealistic is an understatement.

For now, I plan to make small changes over time.  I’m starting by restricting my carbohydrate intake as well as dairy.  I don’t plan to cut them out completely, but I do feel that I have a legitimate addiction to carbs and sweets that I desperately want to break.  I do want to cut ‘diet’ drinks out completely.

As for exercise, I intend to start with low impact exercise on account of my current orthopedic issues.  For several months, I’ve been struggling with low back pain as well as right hip and knee pain, presumably from the weight gain.  I purchased a combination elliptical/bike to use until my joint aches are better.  I also want to try my hand at yoga again.  My flexibility and strength have significantly diminished due to lack of physical activity and I want to get them back.

I’m also aiming to get my anxiety under control through more natural means.  In the past, I’ve done therapy as well as several medications to keep my nerves at bay.  When I attempted yoga in the past, I did notice a subtle, but distinguishable improvement in my ability to cope with everyday struggles at work and at home.  I’m experimenting with the idea that I can manage my emotional ebbs and flows through diet, exercise and positive living.

As I progress, I will keep my site updated with progress and, hopefully minimal, setbacks.  Wish me luck as I make the first steps!

why I’m here.

Hi guys!

Welcome to my site and my very first post.  If you want to know a lot about me in a little bit of time, head over to my ‘about me’ section.  This will provide you with a basic overview of my life and philosophy.  The posts you will continue to see from me will uncover more and more of my deep thoughts and secrets.  I want this to be the one place I can be 100% transparent about my fears and flaws.  I also want this to be the place that I chronicle my adventures and accomplishments.

So, let’s get to the down and dirty.

In the last 4 years, I gained 100 lbs.  No, my inner monologue didn’t stutter and that’s not a typo.   A whole 100.  Today, I am the heaviest I’ve ever been.  I’m the biggest size I’ve ever been.  And, I’m the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been.

I don’t want this to be one of the millions of weight loss blogs out there.  I want to explore and try all sorts of new things, and this is one facet. albeit a large and overwhelming facet, of my life.  So, while I hope to bring you all sorts of fun posts, I will also be documenting my journey along the way.

In a few short months, I’ll be walking down the aisle to marry my soul mate.  And a dew months after that we will be taking our dream honeymoon to Europe.  I have a great job and I live on a beautiful hobby farm with dogs, cats, ducks and chickens.  If I sound like I’m bragging, I don’t mean to.  I love my life, but I still yearn to tackle things that have eluded me in the past.  I want to cook.  And build.  And sew.  And garden.  I want to cross all of the items off my bucket list.  And I want to have the healthy, fit body I’ve always wanted.

In the future, I plan to bring you recipes, DIY projects of all kinds and new tricks and trends to try in the realm of health and beauty.  I genuinely hope that you enjoy going down this road with me as I set out to create the best and most confident ME possible!